Marriage is a JOKE

I have come to the conclusion that marriage is a joke.  I have been unhappily married for almost eight years now...eight long, miserable, unhappy years.  My husband wants EVERYONE to do what he says.  Yet he WILL NOT listen to ANYONE, not even me.  He wants our marriage to be 100% him and 0% me.  I am so over it.  Those of you who who are friends with me on Facebook know that I have posted about our problems.  But none of you know just how bad it is.  It would be easy for me to just up and leave and go somewhere else, even to a shelter.  But when you have a kid, the game changes.  It's not that easy to just up and leave, especially when you have no job, no money saved, and nowhere to go.  I have few friends, as I don't trust people that much.  And most of them already have kids, and don't want another kid in their house.  Or they don't have kids, and don't like kids, and think I will be using them as an automatic babysitter.   

In the late summer of 2011, we got evicted, because my genius husband thought it would be a great idea to move into a house where the rent was $1050 per month.  GREAT idea-especially since he has no green card or work permit, and can't find a good job-and to top that all off, I was not working at the time.  He was CONSTANTLY late paying the rent, or not paying it at all, because he was sending the rent money to his kids in Syria.  So we got evicted.  My husband took us to a very bad, bed-bug infested motel down on OBT---Vacation Lodge.  I never felt like such a failure as a mom in my entire six years of being a mom.  I swore that, if that ever does happen again, I will not subject my daughter to living in a place like that ever again.  I will go to a shelter or sleep in my car.  I am not sure why my husband thought it would be a good idea to stay there...I guess because the loser owners were Arab, and he thinks all Arabs are perfect, honest, upstanding people.  But they were complete assholes.  We all kept getting bit by the bedbugs, and poor Salaam would get bad rashes where she constantly scratched them.  I would go every day to the owners and tell them that the bedbugs were in our room.  They moved us to another room, but that room had even more bedbugs.  I took a dead bedbug to my daughter's pediatrician, and he confirmed it was a bedbug-but I already knew it was.  I took the note that her pediatrician wrote, confirming it to be a bedbug.  The owners told me if we didn't like the place, then we can leave.  What a colossal prick.  I know karma will come back and bite both of them in the ass one day.  And I hope and pray I am around to see it.  The "security" guards there are fresh out of jail drug dealers, who are doing deals on the side while they are "working".  A woman got raped in that motel when we were there.  One of the janitors broke into a woman's room and raped her.  What an upstanding great husband I have, to take his wife and daughter to a place like that.

My husband has NO desire to better his life.  He has no green card and no work permit.  When we were both interviewed by immigration a few years ago, after he filed for his green card, they interviewed us separately.  They asked him:

my date of birth

my maiden name

my middle name

what date we got married

Salaam's date of birth

where we met for the first time

He got the answers to those questions WRONG-ALL of them.  to this day, he still can't answer any of the above questions.

   
He can't read or write English.  I told him about the church near us that gives FREE English classes every Monday night, from 7-9 pm.  Of course, he has some excuse about why he can't go.  He is happy as long as he has his computer, to get on Facebook, coffee, and his cigarettes.  He takes NO interest in our daughter's life.  He never plays with her, he never takes her anywhere.  He doesn't even know her teacher's name.  I am mom and dad to her.  He does not work, and does absolutely NOTHING in the house.  I cook, clean, do laundry, go buy the groceries, take care of Salaam, do her homework with her, take her to school.  Damn, I am TIRED.  I am not asking him to do it all, but hell, help me out, at least once in awhile.  


I am extremely unhappy in my marriage.  I wish my ankle were healed, so I could get a job, and file for divorce.  My husband stole my happiness for so many years.  He tried to suppress me and what makes me happy.  He wants me to sell my guitars, not wear make up or perfume, take out my piercings...he is miserable, so he wants ME to be miserable with him.  I refuse to.  I am unhappy in my marriage, but I love life, and he will NEVER take away my passion for life.  And when I do finally get divorced, I WILL NEVER EVER get married again.  And if a once in a lifetime miracle happens and I do bite the bullet again...he WILL NOT be Arab, and HE WILL NOT BE MUSLIM.  Until I am able to get divorced, I just have to make the best of it, and concentrate on what makes ME happy, and my daughter.

Until next time...